This commercial has to play like 4-5 times daily for me. Doesn’t matter which channel I’m watching either. And every time it plays I catch myself with the same reaction- looking around to see who’s calling my name. Straight up paranoia. This bitch yelling, “Brian!” fucks with me. I should probably blame it on Sandra for constantly yelling my name throughout my life- mostly in a negative manner, to where it now has me on pins and needles anytime somebody hollers it. Broads have been yelling at me since I was birthed. It started with my mother, then led to my sister, and finally followed up to girlfriends. Agggghhh.
If I had to rank them from “worst person to yell your name” to “I don’t care who’s yelling my name” it would easily be mom, girlfriends, sister. When your mom screams for you, you know you’re either in trouble or she’s trying to get you to do something. In my case, it was usually both. When girlfriends scream your name you’re mostly saying to yourself, “shut the fuck up, I couldn’t care less right now.” They usually just want to nag you about doing some whack household chore. Most of the time its fixing something, putting something together, or carrying some heavy shit. Fuck you, bitches, equality has struck. You asked for it. Dealing with my sister yelling for me is far and away the easiest one. Usually she just has a simple question to ask or needs to tell me something real quick. And most of the time, she gets the job done via text without having to broadcast my name throughout the city and among the 6 New England states. She gets the deal.
Redd’s Apple Ale needs to start using a new name. Change that shit to Steve. Fuck the name Brian. I have enough broken glass to walk on in this household, don’t make it worse for me.
Side Note: As I was typing up this blog, knowing what the commercial does to me it came on and I still caught myself looking up and through my doorway to see who was calling my name. It was just that Redd’s Apple Ale bitch. Fucking A. This shit isn’t getting bad, real bad.