Who Am I, Wednesday?


ABC News– Farmington police are searching for a man who threw or ejaculated semen on two women while at Walmart on two separate occasions.

Detectives were able to get surveillance pictures of the man, but he has not been positively identified yet.

Police said he appears to be a Native American man between 5 feet 3 inches and 5 feet 6 inches and weighing about 165 lbs. He appears to be in his 30s to early 40s.

The man arbitrarily chooses his female victims, according to police. Police said there are two confirmed victims, but more may be out there.

Anyone with information about the crimes is asked to call Farmington police at 505-599-1005.

 

Usually I do a ‘Who Am I, Wednesday?” where I post a photo of shitty tattoo or something funky about a celeb and I leave it to you guys to guess who it is.  Not this week, though.  This week its a literal, who am I.  This guy is an apparent serial ejaculator.  Somehow police think he might be running around, ejaculating on random women in stores.  I seem to think more along the lines that he’s just throwing the semen from a cup of some sort.  Either way, this dude has a sack of nuts on him.  Pun intended.  He’s like a dog pissing on property to claim as his own, only he’s ejaculating on the property and the property is female women.  Catch this man before he claims every woman in America as his own!

Side note: 5’3″-5’6″ is bitch made.  I’m consider myself short, but at least I’m 5’8″.  These chicks must have thought they were catching a facial from a full-on troll.  Sucks to know you got pear necklaced by a man that lives underneath a bridge.

PS, Anyone surprised that this happened at a Walmart?  Me neither.

 

(h/t Matt)

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