The Sports Reporter Found His Wife


I introduce you to my future wife, Amy.  This chick just gave me another reason to move to Australia.  Yeah, that’s right.  I already stalked her and found out she lives in Aussie Country.  And I’ll eventually move there once her and I Facebook message.  We can talk about how shitty Facebook statuses are nowadays- I’m all about that discussion.  Or how bitches aren’t cooking for their men enough, or sucking enough cock.  Amy made it real simple ladies, it goes 1) Cook for your man, 2) Suck your man’s dick, 3) Never a wrong time to suck your man’s dick, 4) Stop being stupid bitches, and 5) Do things your man likes to do.  Those are literally the 5 personality traits I look for in a chick.  I want to eat, watch sports, play golf and catch some fellatio.  If I can find a chick that’ll help with all four, that’s wifey material.  I’m calling up Jared’s and being like, ‘Yup, put aside your best diamond.  I want that JWoww type shit.  That $600,000 type shit.’  I’m being for real when I say this- no jokes whatsoever- that’s all it really takes, ladies.  We’re not all that complicated.  24 hours a day, 7 days a week, we’re either hungry or horny.  She’s undoubtably the smartest chick I know.  She just put all you females on notice.  Stop being stupid bitches and start cooking, doing things your man likes to do and sucking his dick.  ‘There’s never a wrong time to suck a man’s dick.’  Ain’t that the fucking truth, babe.

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