The Sports Reporter Learned That Chicks In The South Date Solely On Personality


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After I came across Ashlee the cheerleader who can front flip into a half-court shot, I decided to look her up on the ‘Book for a possible Grade A Friday. I hit up my bud, STL and we got to researching. Her page was rather easy to find. Took me all of just typing her name. Bingo bango. Upon further investigation, I gave up making her my Grade A. I talked about it in her blog post, but it came down to her having a boyfriend and yadda, yadda, yadda. I wasn’t going to be that guy. But I’m so going to be that guy right now. After I gave up my research, I got a text that said, ‘You know how well we’d do in Mississippi? This kid scored this chick,’ with this picture underneath the text. Uhh, what was that, STL? Where did you get that? I was blown away. Wow. This Eli Manning looking jabroni pulled this chick? You serious, bro? She’s like a 9 compared to what I’m used to see up here. What the fuck am I doing in New England when I could be making a killin’ in Mississippi? I need to be in God’s Country like yesterday. 9’s and 10’s just running rampant with 4’s and 5’s because they’re polite and use their manners. My world is upside down right now. Backwards life like you’d read about. I can do all that. And I know I’m 25 and I look 18, and that’s frowned upon down there with most guys in the south looking grown by 14, but my looks aren’t normal looks. Looking young is fly as fuck. I can get into anywhere I want because I’m old enough, I’m more mature and smarter than the age I resemble, and when I’m 40 I’ll look 25. Fuckin’ killing the game. What chick doesn’t want that in a guy. You’d be a cougar without having to be a cougar. Game. Set. Match. Tell all your friends, baby girl.

So this is it, I’m be-friending this chick. I’m getting to the bottom of this situation. I’m finding out how religious she is. And I’m probably moving down there solely to date and enjoy the weather. Its certainly not because I enjoy the people, the lifestyle, or culture. I’d rather be like Chelsea here and date someone 5 levels below me before that was the case.

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