Daily Mail – When Ron Kronenberger’s tenant failed to come up with $2,800 in back rent, the Ohio businessman allegedly did what many landlords can only dream of: he took off his belt and gave the 29-year-old a spanking.
Police in the village of Waynesville say the 53-year-old Kronenberger was charged with one count misdemeanor assault stemming from the bizarre January 22 altercation in the back office of his supermarket.
According to officials, angered that the tenant had failed to come up with the considerable rent payment, Kronenberger told the 29-year-old that if he was going to act like a child, he would treat him like one.
He then allegedly hit him four times with a belt, leaving ‘small marks’ on his rear.
Police say the tenant later told them he was scared and just wanted to get it over with, so he complied with Kronenberger’s demand to bend over, placing his hands on a chair.
Did I just read that right? Did it say that the tenant later told him that he was scared and wanted to get it over with so he complied and bent over his chair? With his ass actually showing? I’m really curious as to how this conversation even comes up. Was he like dead serious with the belt in his hand? Did he have to undo his like your dad did when he’d get pissed at you? What was the tenant’s initial reaction? Was he scared? Did he laugh? I need to know these details to get to the bottom of this. This isn’t your everyday news story. There’s no way this is a normal 29-year old either. And by normal, I mean mentally normal. Or socially normal. Or physical stature normal. Or even a man, normal. I’m no 6’2″ 250-pounder. I’m 5’8″ and I weigh about the same as 3 wet towels, and yet there’s still no chance that I’m voluntarily bending over a chair so my tenant can whip me with a belt. Not even if that tenant was Kate Upton. But that’s a totally different circumstance with Kate. In that case I just don’t like being hit. It hurts. In the case of the tenant, I’m a fuckin’ man. I don’t put up with that. Men don’t put up with that. Will Ferrell taught us that with his Landlord video. Just picture your dad being confronted by the tenant and having the guy be like, ‘oh you’re late? Well bend over, thats 4 whippings for you.’ Yeah, okay, bruh. I don’t think that’s how it works. Dad strength says otherwise as he puts you in the sleeper hold like Adrian Adonis that requires a standing five-count. Looks like we’ll be bring you the rent once you awaken from your long winter’s nap.
Now that I think of it though, $3,000 is $3,000. That’s no McChicken, bro. That’s 3,000 McChickens. That’s a lot of McChickens. If I was Ron I’d probably whip the shit out of my tenant too. But I wouldn’t wait for him to be like, alright. I’d be like, ‘Where’s my money, its the 1st? I want my money! Oh, you’re short? Well so is my temper.’ (Whack. Whack. Whack. Whack.) ‘I’ll see you in a week, bitch.’ I’d be like Stewie Griffin and Pearl The Landlord combined into one.