Top 5 Chicks At Super Bowl Parties


Chicks that get excited and attend Super Bowl parties are one of my biggest pet peeves.  Theyre one of the many things that get my blood boiling to the point where I want to take them all out back and tie them up like dogs.  Cant fuckin’ stand them.  You never get the chick who actually likes football.  The Grade A Prime.  The one who will know all the rules, know the players, and will sit there with you watching it WITHOUT talking during important gameplay.  Never ever.  Ive come across maybe 2 my whole life.  Maybe 2.  So theyre a rare breed, I get it.  Theres 5 types of chicks that you can guaran-damn-tee will be attending a Super Bowl party. No if, ands, or buts about it.  They never fail.  They never disappoint.  Mark it down, throw a Super Bowl party, and just watch them all attend.

Here are the Top 5 Chicks That Attend Super Bowl Parties:

5) I’m Learning Chick – This is the chick who just got into football.  Probably because of a boyfriend, a husband, or maybe they have a family member- younger brother- who just started playing.  They ask a shit ton of questions like “what’s that yellow line for?,” “How do they get the yellow line to keep moving?,” “What just happened?,” “Why are they punting?,” “Why do they keep running if they only get 3 yards?”  Its a bunch of nonsense questions.  You’ll most definitely come across a  dozen or more tonight.  For sure, for sure.

4) Stalker Chick – Their boyfriend is going and theyre psycho controlling and need to go to keep an eye on him.  Everyone knows this girl.  Most likely she’s your boy’s girlfriend.  You have a party, invite him over, and she shows up.  Absolutely hates football.  Hates his friends.  But goes anyways because she refuses to A) Let him have a good time, and B) Needs to know what he’s doing at all times.

3) Comercial Chick – Chicks love the commercials.  I mean yeah, theyre funny.  But Im not going to sit through a 3-4 hour event for commercials.  Like you’ll never catch me watching Lifetime, or figure skating for their dope commercials.  Nope.  Kill me now.  I’ll YouTube them tomorrow.

2) Food Chick – Every damn chick gets all wet when Super Bowl Sunday comes around.  “Oh my God, Shelly, theres going to be beer, and wings, and cheese dip, and veggie dip, and Im even making brownies.  Its going to be such a fun time!”  Chicks of all sizes, ages, and ethnicities love food.  Thats an absolute fact.

1) I Have Nothing Else To Do So Why Not Chick – This pretty much sums up a majority of the chicks at Super Bowl parties.  They dont like football, but theres really nothing else to do so why not.  Either their parents ares having the party, or their best friends so they attend.  They do it for the food and the social aspect.  They talk nonstop with their girlfriends- no matter if the game is on or not- and they piss off all the dudes in attendance.  You are the number 1 chick that I hate.  You are the first one I bring out back to tie up.  You are the one I wish to make cry and leave.  I hate you.

Feel free to sit around tonight and label each chick you see.  I give you permission.  You know I’ll be doing it.  Probably even call a couple out to their face.  Its how I roll.  I have no shame, no code.  Be there to cook me my wings, my chili, and buy me my beer, then get lost for 4 hours until its time to clean up.  Go chill with your girlfriends, go shopping, read 50 Shades of Grey, or just take a nap.  I dont care what you do just dont be around to ruin the Super Bowl for me.

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