What Does Your Email Say About You?

An email address can say a lot about a person. Are you going to go clever and funny, do something like 2smooth4u or are you going to go more serious and business like with your name? When we’re young, funny and clever are always the way we go. No one wants to use their name. That’s boring. Fuckin’ Stan over there with his pocket protect has his name as his email- stanley.s@gmail.com. That’s why in college we’re stuck emailing teachers with 2smooth4u@whateveritis.com. Nice look, Sports Reporter. And the email service is just as important. @whateveritis.com isn’t real people. That was made up to get to this point. There’s a lot of email services. Not all are created equal. Lets just take a look at 1-5:



 Hotmail – Hotmail was big in the 90’s. All the cool kids had Hotmails while the sub parers had AOL. It was a known fact. Its made for people who are trying too hard in life. Cris Collinsworth and Skip Bayless probably have Hotmail accounts. Also, its used by people who have fallen off, the Nick Cages of the world.


 AOL Aim – Which leads me to the sub parers. Like the kids in school who were sub parers AOL has managed to remain even keel while the Hotmails fizzled to almost obscurity. Its made for the underachievers. They’re the Michelle Wie of email services.


 Yahoo! – Yahoo! is boring. They’re like the kid who’s cool with everyone. They’re made for the regular folk. Ones who aren’t flashy and blingy, but then again they’re also not Honey Boo Boo level. They’re like the 49ers quarterback Alex Smith or any running back fantasy wise for the New England Patriots.


 Outlook – Outlook is and always was that sneaky email service. Its like that one kid who’s part of the cool kids that you know is nerdy and geeky, but yet the cool kids accepted him. Its made for the undercover business type. Kind of like Screech in Save By The Bell. Outlook is your Screech.


 GMail – GMail is for the winners in life. The one who was high school quarterback, point guard and prom king. The one who got a scholarship to a D-1 school. Then later went on to own his own business. Its that guy. They’re like the Tom Brady’s.


That’ why after I was done updating my signature, I decided it was time to update my email. No more creative email name. No more @yahoo.com (Yeah, I was the boring normal one.) Nope, I decided it was time to go business style with a name email and start winning in life with a GMail account. And I have to tell ya, it feels damn good. I feel like tomorrow I could email President Obama ideas on how to run the country and he’d get back to me personally within 10-15 minutes. Like he’s just sitting around when he gets my message, sees briank@gmail.com and automatically knows the email is of the important variety. Replies back, “Its Barry O. Give me 5 and I’ll call ya on your cell.” I’m probably gonna go out tomorrow and just ooze sex appeal to the entire female gender. Can’t wait to see all the great things I’m going to accomplish now.



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