MSN – Even Batman never went up against a rogue as nefarious as the one who’s currently stalking Portland, Ore. This super villain is prowling the streets, attaching stickers to stop signs and transforming them into “poop” signs. Gasp! At least two innocent signs have been cruelly attacked so far — one in Old Town, the other at the Joan of Arc statue in the Laurelhurst neighborhood. There’s no telling where this crime spree could end. Soon, this devious scoundrel might alter stop signs around the nation (around the world!) forever. Or at least until someone peels the stickers off.
Never went to law school, or to the police academy, or even any kind of law enforcement and I can already tell you without a doubt that this is 99.9% a 10-13 year old male. There’s no other category that would get off on a poop joke. I’d go even younger, like 7-10, but Stop signs are tall so I doubt a 7-year-old could reach one. But I wouldn’t remove it from the equation. When I was a youngster, we all wanted to steal road signs. The one that went missing in the neighborhood the most was King St. It got to the point that it was bolted on with about 20 bolts- some that needed combination wrenches and socket wrenches. If you wanted the sign you needed an entire Craftsman tool chest and about 6 hours of the day. Basically the town went around securing street signs with Bane masks to further prevent vandalism. And that shit never made media news. Didn’t even make the town paper. Which disturbs me the most about this article… the fact that this made the internet. Like someone felt that this was national news that needed to be reported. “Some young vandal places a sticker over two Stop signs turning them into Poop signs.” This isn’t some homicidal maniac. We’re not dealing with Dexter here, or The Joker. No one needs to call Portland Police Bureau or Batman. If a citizen sees this sign, all they need to do is remove the sticker. A little citizen-policework.
Here’s a sketch of said sign. The Sports Reporter does artwork. Call me Pablo Picaso.