MMA Fighter, Ray Elbe, Taps Out To His Girlfriend After She Breaks His Dick During Sex


 

MSN – Items that should be crushed: grapes, melons, tomatoes, velvet. Item that should never be crushed: the penis. For MMA fighter Ray Elbe, a vacation romp in Malaysia with his girlfriend ended in the most horrific (for dudes, at least) way imaginable — with his penis “fractured” after his girlfriend bounced a little too enthusiastically on his manhood, leaving a scene where “blood was everywhere.” Elbe, who passed out from the pain, was rushed to a local hospital where he had surgery to close the wound and repair a “slight tear” in his urinary tube. He’s expected to recover, and was given “anti-erection” pills. The plus side? His girlfriend promised a threesome.

 

How embarrassing is it to be an MMA fighter and show up in the emergency room passed out because your girlfriend rode your dick too hard and broke it? Gotta know how to have your girl ride your dick, bro. Can’t just sit there like a dead fish having her do all the work. She’s a chick. She’s liable to get reckless, lose control of her surroundings and go straight for the orgasm. Its like girl’s brains just shut off during sex. They feel no pain. They don’t hear. All their senses shut down. Its amazing. That’s why you have to go with the flow while they’re on top. We don’t get the chance of losing our senses. Our senses have to improve immensely. Some futuristic shit. If she goes up, you go up slightly. That one little slip up of her going too far up and you going too far down will result in a fractured dick 2 seconds later. Case closed. Badda bing, badda boom, mark it down. No doubt about it.

And if I’m Ray Elbe, I’m getting a contract made for this threesome. The third is not to be a dude, and I get to pick the chick. I’m not having some Sasquatch looking broad laying up in my bed participating in a threesome after my girlfriend just broke my dick. Its a dime piece or no piece. Also, I don’t know the recovery time, but he’s going to need a handful of sexual encounters to build his tolerance before this threesome. There’s no way he makes it more than 30 seconds with two chicks after having to take anti-erections pills for a length of time. His dick is exploding upon his first erections. Badda bing, badda boom, mark it down. No doubt about it.

Ps, It’s probably insensitive of me at this time to refer to his girlfriend as a dick wrecker? However, she is 100% a dick wrecker. Her face and hair say it alone. I’m 30-70 willing to take a fractured penis for her.

UPDATE: I just learned his dick snapped in half sending blood splattering around the room. I am now NOT willing to take a fractured penis for her. I’ll stick to banging normal, boring chicks.

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