Floridians And Alabamians Proving The Southern Stereotype With Their Dead Candidate Elections


Yahoo – Florida Democrat Earl K. Wood and Alabama Republican Charles Beasley won their respective elections but they will not take office. Both men died weeks before the November 6 election yet managed to beat their very much alive opponents by comfortable margins. Wood died on October 15 from natural causes at age 96, during his campaign for a 12th term as Orange County Tax Collector in Orlando, Florida. Criticized for rarely coming into the office while collecting a $150,000 salary and $90,000 pension, Wood initially announced he would step down, only to change his mind when a longtime political foe made plans to seek the seat. Wood’s wide name recognition after almost half a century in office scared off several serious contenders. His name remained on the ballot and he took 56 percent of the votes to 44 percent for a Republican who promised to eliminate the office altogether if elected. Beasley, 77, died on October 12, possibly due to an aneurysm, while trying to reclaim his old seat on the Bibb County Commission in central Alabama. Beasley’s name also remained on the ballot and he won about 52 percent of the vote. His Democratic opponent, incumbent Commissioner Walter Sansing, took the loss especially hard. “It is a touchy situation. When you are running against a dead man, you are limited as to what you can say,” Sansing told Reuters. He blamed people voting straight Republican tickets for his loss. In Orlando, Scott Randolph, an outgoing Democratic state legislator and state party activist, was selected by his party to receive votes cast for Wood and he will assume the office. In Alabama, the governor will appoint a new commissioner with input from local Republicans.


We literally have 96-year-old men and 77-year-old men running for office positions, dying, and still being elected, but for some reason all anyone can talk about is how the country is collapsing because Barack Obama was re-elected for a second term. In case you didn’t know, everyone gets a second term. Its how it goes. George W got one so that just proves my point.

But back to this story, who the fuck decided to vote for a 96-year old? Like, I’m not even pissed that maybe they didn’t know he was dead, I’m more pissed that people would ever decide to vote a human being thats seconds away from dying. And he never even showed up when he was in office. Just collected his $150,000 a year while hooked up to his oxygen tank, sitting at home, watching the Price is Right, CNN and the western channel. Because that’s what old people do. They sit at home, eat lunch at 11am, take naps, and eat dinner at 5pm and go to bed by 8pm. Its the same ritual everyday. Im kind of jealous.

Then you have this 77-year old in Alabama who basically is like a 20-year old compared to Father Time over in Florida. His body couldn’t take the stress of the election and therefore had an aneurysm. But thats not even the worse part. The guy running against him said, “It is a touchy situation. When you are running against a dead man, you are limited as to what you can say,” Uh, no you’re not bro. All you have to say is, “I can do this, and this and this. My opponent is dead. All he can do is attract bugs and worms. So unless you’re a entomologist, you know who to vote for.” You need a better campaign team, Walt.


One thought on “Floridians And Alabamians Proving The Southern Stereotype With Their Dead Candidate Elections

  1. Pingback: Virginia Is Officially The Dumbest State And Should Be Sold Off For Puerto Rico « Water Cooler Talk


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