MSN Now – This is the grandma you want on your team at the Bingo parlor. Lena Eaton, a 91-year-old Indiana woman, has managed to win the lottery twice in three months. First, the elderly lady raked in a whopping $300,000 in August; then, last week, she scored another $99,999. A local paper called her odds of winning both contests about one in 5.7 trillion.
Well if that first quote/statement/fact is true, then Lena Eaton might never die. She possibly has found the Fountain of Youth or recipe for immortality. I don’t even want to live anymore after reading about this. Like this woman had no right even playing the lottery, never mind winning it twice. She’s 91, what the fuck is she going to do with $400,000? Here I am at 25- a young 25, I could do a lot with $400,000. First, I could go to one of these underdeveloped countries and have all their fastest marathon runners tested as lung donors. Then when a match came up I could purchase the right to them, have him shot in the head resulting in a quick death with no torture to his lungs and airways, and have his lungs shipped to Brigham and Women’s. Badda bing, Brian has a new set of breathables. That’d cost me dinner for about half the village, maybe like $1,000.
After that I could move to Cali, buy a house, a car, and a golf course. Maybe invest a the rest and use the profit to purchase the rights to the next Los Angeles NFL team. I’d finish up these big moves with a go at Kate Upton or Melanie Iglesias. No way they could turn down my power moves.