America’s Largest And Most Reliable Network… Is Stealing Nudes


The Register – Two Verizon staffers are under indictment for allegedly stealing nude photographs from an attractive female customer’s phone and passing them around. According to the gendarmes, the two men worked at a Verizon store in Bartow, Florida, where one, Joshua Stuart, 24, helped a nubile local waitress transfer her data from her old handset to a new smartphone. Unbeknownst to her, he also took a copy of some of the pictures from the phone’s memory for his personal perusal, it’s alleged, as well as for a colleague. The theft only came to light when another customer, a local bartender, came into the store for an upgrade. Stuart asked if he knew any of the local waitresses and offered to show him “banging pictures” of the woman. When he couldn’t find them on his computer, he called over a coworker, Gregory Lampert, 26, who had them on his phone. What the two store employees didn’t know was that the man was a friend of the woman in question, and he wasted no time in letting her know what was going on. He then contacted the police after discussing the situation with her. According to the police report the woman described the photos as “very private in nature and several depict her breasts and vagina.” She also positively IDed the two Verizon employees involved and said that she had not given consent for any information to be copied. Her friend who alerted the police was also interviewed, and was able to confirm that he had been shown 21 of the 22 pictures stolen by the Verizon staff. He also identified the staff from a photographic line-up.


I’m going to be honest, I once went into a Verizon store to have my phone switched over and had scandalous photos on my phone. The whole time I thought, I wonder if this creep is going to check them out and steal them. He totally fit the image of a creeping nude photo stealer. I’d give you the visual, but I’d hurt the feelings of one of my newly hired writers. Anyways, here I am laying in bed eating blueberry pancakes that were cooked for me specially by my sister’s boyfriend, while trolling the web when I come across this story. My immediate reaction was, yup, the dude at Wireless Zone definitely stole the pictures off my phone if workers in Florida are doing it. No doubt about it.

But do I blame him for stealing photos that depicted her breasts and vagina? No. I blame him for taking 22 of the pictures. There’s no reason for it. After 3-4 pictures they all start looking the same, bro. Get in and get out. Leave little evidence. That way when the cops come to you later on for showing some rando customer pics of some other rando customer you don’t look nearly as creepy. “Oh you only stashed away 2 photos?” looks better than, “Sir, why do you have a scrapbook of local bartenders genitalia?”


Ps, If you’re reading this and you’ve sent me questionable photos, realize that workers at Verizon may or may not know what you look like nude or with minimal clothing. Also, realize that they may or may not show up on Water Cooler Talk one day. Remember, possession is nine-tenths of the law.


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