Frankenstorm Plans On Dressing As A Slutty Bitch And F’ing Us All. Happy Halloween, Folks!


Washington AP – An unusual nasty mix of a hurricane and awinter storm that forecasters are now calling “Frankenstorm” is likely to blast most of the East Coast next week, focusing the worst of its weather mayhem around New York City and New Jersey. Government forecasters on Thursday upped the odds of a major weather mess, now saying there’s a 90 percent chance that the East will get steady gale-force winds, heavy rain, flooding and maybe snow starting Sunday and stretching past Halloween on Wednesday. Meteorologists say it is likely to cause $1 billion in damage. The storm is a combination of Hurricane Sandy, now in the Caribbean, an early winter storm in the West, and a blast of arctic air from the North. They’re predicted to collide and park over the country’s most populous coastal corridor and reach as far inland as Ohio. Both private and federal meteorologists are calling this a storm that will likely go down in the history books.

 

Fuck the Mayans, man. This end of the world prediction is getting pretty eery. I get out of the hospital Wednesday, see that the weather is going to be low 70’s and high 60’s for the rest of the week. I get all jacked up. ‘Bout to golf my ass off. Then today my mom starts becoming hysterical over this Hurricane Sandy shit. I was quick to be like, chill, the weathermen are always wrong. Stop putting a downer on my mood. But then she reminded me of the name. Sandy. A nickname for Sandra. And that’s her name. Which got me to thinking, if this hurricane has anywhere near the temper that my mother has, the whole east coast is doomed. I’m hoping by Sunday/Monday, Sandy the hurricane has been having a few good days and decides to take it easy on us. However, if she has two children like let’s say, Brian and Brittany, then good luck, peeps, she’ll be having a bad day. I’ll see you all in the afterlife.

How ironic would it be that a Sandy brought me into this world, and another Sandy would take me out? Or is that coincidental?

 

I guess we should have paid closer attention to Roland Emmerich’s 2009 science fiction disaster movie. I quickly laughed it off. However, I’ll be watching that shit on repeat for the next 3 days- studying and looking for any survival tips. I wonder if Google has Noah’s blueprints for the arc. I’m going to need to get my

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