Philip Rivers Thinks He’s Uncle Rico


This was the stat line for my fantasy football quarterback this week. I went into tonight’s matchup up by 3 with him to play vs my opponent who had Malcolm Floyd and Matt Prater. I felt pretty good about myself. Only way I could lose was if Prater kicked like 6 fields or Floyd caught 10+ passes or Rivers turned into Tony Romo. Well folks, Rivers aka Uncle Rico turned into Tony Romo. This guy had 6 turnovers trying to throw the ball over them there mountains, but none was bigger than his last. See there was 1 minute left in the game, and I was up by .75 points. It was 4th and 16 and all I need was for Rivers not to complete a pass to Floyd or Denver, or fumble the ball. He then fumbled the ball, with Denver recovering it. Kill me now. Literally, kill me now. I’ve lost due to some dick head outcomes like my entire bench out-performing my starters, my opponent having a scrub like David Nelson catch 14 passes, or having a starter get hurt within minutes of the start of a game. But never, and I repeat never, have I lost by such a marginal difference at such a late juncture of a game. Right now I have a sinus infection/lung infection that could kill the Big Show. Its hospitalizing me tomorrow. Ad yet this loss still hurts more than that ever could. Perhaps if it had happened to any other of the 10 members of my league, it’d be all right. But no. It happened to my best friend, my brother, Team “Newton’s Modern Life”- fuckin’ manager Raul Tetreaulez. You thought I wouldn’t bring that back, didn’t you?

I wish I would have seen San Diego’s 2012 Team Catalog photo of Phil before I drafted him. Tells me all I need to know about his play thus far this year…



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