Al Jefferson Is The New Mattress Professional

I can totally understand where Al Jefferson is coming from with this bed. I spent hours at the local Sleepy’s late Monday afternoon/early night looking for a new bed. Unfortunately my budget doesn’t allow me to afford anything larger than a Full size. The queen size of the bed I bought was $600 and a king size was $800. I could only drop a cool $400 on a full size. Felt like someone out of Kenny McCormicks family. Might as well have worn a shirt that said “I’m with Stupid” and had the arrow pointing up to my face.

Then I see this late last night, and I instantly become jealous. Is that even a regulation sized bed? What would you even call that? I mean, he’s like what, almost 7 feet tall? So that bed is like 17 feet long at the very least. And it looks like its 12 feet wide. My full is like barely 6 feet long and 4 feet wide. He makes it look like I sleep in a dresser drawer. Fuck my life, for real. Us normal folk get the shaft in every way possible. Give me millions upon millions in exchange for having my life criticized, scrutinized and stalked, and I’ll take that 8 days out of 7 days a week. Then I’ll be able to buy $23,000 beds, get away with rape and murder, cure AIDS– or whatever other illness I have, and start up any raggedy-ass company I decide to- like JACCPOT Entertainment.

Oh, $23,000? Yeah, guess I’ll just keep my $400 full-sized bed until I win the Win For Life or PowerBall.

Keep in mind our budgets, people, but who did it better, Al or myself?


Sleepy’s suck, I’m going to Rotman’s Furniture. Suck a dick, Rich from sales.



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