Man High On Bath Salts Interrupts Church And Tells Police, “You’ll Never Take Me Alive, Copper!”


Huffington Post – Cops say 36-year-old Ronnie Lee Hardesty allegedly interrupted a Tennessee church service at Ross Campground Church by wielding a hammer, declaring he was high on bath salts, in Kingsport on Sunday.

First, I want to say, how lucky were the people in church when this happened? I know every time I’ve gone to church I’m stuck checking my cell phone, counting down the minutes. Pastors and priests just don’t bring the fire they used to. Its way too long, too much singing and dancing, and waaaayy too much donating. Let me keep my money, Jesus. I worked real hard for this dough. Plus I know you can turn water into wine so I’m pretty sure you can turn leaves in cash so get your own. Second, I’d like to note that bath salts are all the rage nowadays. Everyone’s doing them and every story has some weird, humorous ending. Unless you don’t find a grown man wielding a hammer or eating people’s faces humorous. Then they’re just weird. Police apparently found this guy near the church grounds where he admitted to being high, but told them he “wasn’t going back to jail”, where he then ran from the cops into a open field and proceeded to swing his hammer at the cops when they attempted to arrest the stand-up citizen. Ronnie was arrested and further investigation found that he had multiple charges of failure to appear and drug paraphernalia. Basically, this was not unexpected from this man. It was more just a matter of time. The surprising factor was that the cops were lucky he wasn’t truly bugging out and saw them as some delicious apple pie that he was craving to eat. Mmm, Mmm Good.

My question is, what happened to the normal folk? The ones who smoked a little marijuana, got stoned, and ate their fridge and cabinets empty? I mean, fuck. If you want to ruin your life, do it the old fashion way. Start with some cocaine, mix in a little crack and work your way to a full blown heroin addict. Enough of the hallucinating bath salt ordeal. At least coke, crack, and heroin don’t have people eating other people.

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