In Other News…


Associated Press – In the chaotic evacuation of the Costa Concordia, passengers and crew abandoned almost everything on board the cruise ship: jewels, cash, champagne, antiques, 19th century Bohemian crystal glassware, thousands of art objects including 300-year-old woodblock prints by a Japanese master. In other words, a veritable treasure now lies beneath the pristine Italian waters where the luxury liner ran aground last month. Though some objects are bound to disintegrate, there is still hoard enough to tempt treasure seekers — just as the Titanic and countless shipwrecks before have lured seekers of gold, armaments and other riches for as far back as mankind can remember. It may be just a matter of time before treasure hunters set their sights on the sunken spoils of the Costa Concordia, which had more than 4,200 people on board. “As long as there are bodies in there, it’s considered off base to everybody because it’s a grave,” said Robert Marx, a veteran diver and the author of numerous books on maritime history and underwater archaeology and treasure hunting. “But when all the bodies are out, there will be a mad dash for the valuables.”

For the people who know me, you already know what I’m thinking. If I had 2 tip top lungs, money to get me over to the Tuscan island of Giglio- wherever the fuck that is- and knew how to scuba dive/deep sea dive, I’d be all over the ship. There’s jewel, money, antiques, fuckin’ 19th century glassware, and 300 year old prints from some Japanese dude. All of it waiting to be discovered and waiting to make The Sports Reporter rich. Richer than a muuuuuuuu.

And call me crazy, but based on that picture I’m surprised more people didn’t survive. I mean, it wasn’t on some Titanic shit. The Ship wasn’t out in frigid water, it wasn’t in the middle of nowhere, it wasn’t during the middle of the night,  and it didn’t split in half crushing folk. I’d expect maybe babies, small children, perhaps even a couple of 10 year-olds and a few elderly to go down with the ship. It’s way too much commotion and activity for them to survive. But if you were between the ages of 13-55 and you didn’t make it, I’m calling you out on a lack of hustle. Straight Manny Ramirez-ing your life into the bottom of the sea. If you’re old enough to fuck and make babies then you’re old enough to get your ass off the ship and swim it over to those rocks. Real talk.

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